After their lovemaking session, Corinne laid on the bed in shock. What the hell did she just do! She got swept up in the moment, in all the memories that she and Kevin had shared the past six months, but she had been obviously using her heart and not her head.
What a slut, Corinne! She thought. You just slept with Nick yesterday, for God’s sakes. She put her hands over her face and bemoaned her fate. What was she going to do? Kevin probably thinks she is going to go back to him now and she’s not sure that’s what she is going to do. She has feelings for Nick now that need to be sorted out with him. Her life is just one big confused mess right now…
Kevin came back from the bathroom and Corinne jumped up to get dressed.
“Hey, what’s your hurry?” He asked.
“Nothing, I just kind of wanted to get dressed, that’s all.” They both got dressed and went into the kitchen. Corinne made them some coffee and they sat down over their cups at the kitchen table.
“So, Kevin, I guess now is the best time as any to tell me what your voice mail message said. Why aren’t you in London? What else did you want to say to me?” Corinne asked seriously. A part of her was still very curious and wanted to know, but another part was afraid to know the truth and possible decisions she may have to make because of it.
Kevin looked at her and then sighed. “Okay, here goes… to paraphrase, what I said was I’ve decided not to do the play in London this time. Maybe, if I get the opportunity again in a year or something, yeah, but not right now. Even if you and I didn’t get back together, my head is not in the right place to do that now. So, I mentioned that obviously and then…” He hesitated. Did he really want to say this now? After the weekend and Nick and everything? Yes, he decided, he still did because he still loved her with all of his heart.
“Baby, I didn’t get to say everything I wanted to on that voice mail message, but I’m going to say it now, okay?”
She nodded.
Kevin took a deep breath. “Rinna, I love you more than I could ever imagine I could love someone. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs these past few months, good and bad times, but I think we would both agree that the good times definitely outweigh the bad. Now, I know we had that conversation the other night and you basically told me that you didn’t want the famous part of my life and all that comes with it anymore; it wasn’t for you and I understand that. I think I have always understood that about you. So, that was one of the reasons why I decided not to do the play and I’ve also decided to take a sabbatical from the Backstreet Boys for a few months. We had planned to go into the studio and maybe record another album next month, but I will tell them that I’m not ready to do that right now. It would just be you and me, baby. No media, no pictures, no actors, no parties, none of that crazy stuff. Just you and me. We could do whatever you want. We could stay home, we could travel, we could write a goddamn book together for all I care! I just want you to know that I love you and I am willing to do anything to make our relationship work, that is if you’re willing. Obviously, this wouldn’t be a permanent solution because singing and acting is what I love to do and I will be going back to it at some point, but if you could just bear with me, I will try to make the best of both worlds when that day does come. So, what do you think?” Kevin knew that was a lot to throw at her all at once, but he had to pour his heart out to her; let her know how he was really feeling. And if she agreed and wanted to get back together, then he was planning to propose at some point…
Corinne sat there quietly, sipping her coffee and taking all of this in. Wow. She hadn’t expected Kevin to give up his dreams for her like that; to put his career on hold for her. Was she worth it? She thought to herself. Normally she would be confident to think so, but since the past few days' events, no, she didn’t feel so confident that she was. She felt like she had betrayed both men and felt like crap. Her mind was racing right now. He didn’t bring up marriage, but he did bring up the fact that he loved her and wanted to be together and wanted to do whatever she wanted to do. It would be a dream come true for most women, but for Corinne right now it wasn’t. She was too confused for this happen. She couldn’t give herself to Kevin completely right now. She felt like she would be giving him half and wanting to give Nick the other half. Oh, God… this was not good…
“Well?” Kevin tried not to sound impatient, although he really was.
“Well, um, Scotty, I… first of all, thank you so much for everything you said. I still love you, too and I think it’s wonderful that you’re willing to put the life you love on hold for me and do what I want. That means a lot to me, really it does.”
Kevin looked at her. This wasn’t going the way he had hoped it would. It sounded like a “but” was coming, which is never a good thing.
“But… oh, God, Kevin, I don’t know. I’m so confused right now. I’m not a good place right now to be making this kind of life-changing decision. I do love you, but I’m not sure I’m ready to commit again to you. I’m afraid I’ll screw up and hurt you again. I hated hurting you like I did the other night. It really depressed me and I’m not ready to put us both through that again.”
“So, you don’t want to take a chance because we may get hurt again, is that what you’re saying?”
Corinne nodded. “Yeah, I guess. Like I said, I’m not thinking straight…”
“You know what I think, Corinne?” There’s the Corinne again, she thought. “I think you’re confused because you suddenly have feelings for Nick and now you have to factor him into this equation. You may still love me, but maybe now you’re falling in love with him or in lust with him now?”
Corinne looked at Kevin and sucked in her breath. Oh my God, he hit the nail on the fucking head! How could he know that? Well, duh, Corinne, he’s no idiot. It was probably quite obvious after he witnessed their little kiss and exchanging of pleasantries earlier. Shit. This is not what she had wanted to happen. She was hoping to get all this sorted out in her head before talking to Kevin. But sometimes, life just doesn’t go the way you want it to…
“What I don’t understand is how the hell can you make love to Nick--I’m guessing you did at least--and then me within probably hours? And then still be fucking confused about your feelings? I can’t believe you are going to tell me that you love both of us and we’ll just have to give you time to choose!” Kevin was furious and she couldn’t blame him. He had been patient long enough.
The tears suddenly spilled down Corinne’s face unabashedly. What could she say? He was right. He usually was, it seemed.
“Is that what’s really happening here?” Kevin asked, wanting clarification and Corinne didn’t know how to give it to him.
“Kevin, I don’t know what to say to you. I told you my head is not in the right place and it isn’t. You probably don’t want to give me time, but it is time that I need. I’m sorry. I really am…” And she was but that’s the way it was.
Kevin saw her tears and his face softened. “Here.” He grabbed a tissue off the counter and handed it to her.
Corinne took it gratefully, blew her nose and tried to smile at him through her tears.
“As much as I would love to give that to you, Rinna, I don’t think I can. I told myself that if you didn’t want to get back together, then there’s no need to put my life on hold. I will start helping the guys write and arrange songs and get ready to record and go on tour.”
Corinne looked at him and nodded. She understood. A little piece of her heart was breaking right now. Goddamn sex! It confuses everything! But she was smart enough to realize that it was her heart that was doing all the directing these days. Once she knew what she wanted, she would have to follow it, but at this point, she didn’t have a clear direction.
“I wish with all my heart that I could give you what you want right now, but I can’t. I understand you have to do what you have to do.”
“Okay…” Kevin stood up to leave, but Corinne flung herself into his arms, a ball of tears again, missing him already.
“I do love you. I always will.” She said against his chest in a broken voice. Kevin smoothed down her hair with his hand, choked with emotion as well. He wanted this woman with all of his heart; to have and to hold until this day forward… he suddenly thought, what if I asked her to marry me, would that make a difference? Sadly, he sensed it would not.
“Rinna, I should go. Don’t worry, we’ll still keep in touch. I’ll be around for at least a couple weeks, but probably not after that.”
So, there she had it. Her time limit. Two weeks. She prayed she had her shit together by then.
“Okay. Thanks for putting up with me.” She laughed, drying her tears again.
Kevin smiled and said, “Are you kidding? The sex was great!” He knew that would make her laugh and it did. God, what an awesome guy. Even in his anger and sadness, he was making jokes. He was a gem.
Corinne giggled. “Yeah, it was. Take care of yourself.”
“Yeah, you too. See ya.” And Kevin was gone. Corinne sat on the couch, listening to his footsteps move down the front stairs and fade away completely. She sighed and laughed. What else could she do at this point? She had already cried. It was time to get a grip and make a decision. And it was for this reason she dialed Nick’s cell phone number.
“Hey, this is Nick. Damn, you missed me. Leave a message.” Beep!
“Nick, this is Corinne. Hey, I thought I would call you and see if you were free tonight for dinner or drinks or something. I would love to hang out and talk if you can. Give me a call.” She left her number and sighed as she pressed the END button. She hoped he called her back soon.
Feeling restless, she was just about to call Julia when her cell phone rang and it was Julia.
“Julia, hi! I was just about to call you!”
“Oh, cool. I guess we have an ESP thing going." She laughed. "Hey you, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for awhile. It seems that Kevin was trying to reach you again. What happened to you all weekend? Where did you go?”
“Oh, girl, that is a long story. Do you have some time so I can tell it to you? I’m free now if you are.”
“OK. I’ll meet you at Beaches in 30 minutes.”
“Sounds good. See ya!” Corinne was out the door. She was finally ready to spill her guts to her good friend…
