"Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I can feel the sun
Your every wish will be done"
Olivia pulled into Kevin’s driveway and opened the door with the key he had given her.
“Kevin! Are you here?” Olivia walked around until she found him in his office, reading a piece of paper that looked like a fax. Kevin looked up at the sound of her entrance.
“Hey, you're back.” He walked toward her and she wrapped her arms him and gave him a kiss.
“Wow, what did I do to deserve that?!” he laughed. “Hey, how did the interview go?”
“Well…” Olivia said, beaming. “Oh damn, I was going to fake you out, but I’m not good at lying – I got the job!”
“Wow! You got it already? No second interview or anything?” Kevin asked, surprised.
“Well, it turns out the woman who interviewed me, the owner, Karen, knows my boss, George, do you believe it? What a coincidence! They are actually pretty good friends and George has told her about me just in passing… good things… he didn’t know I was interviewing with her today and well, because she sort of knew of me and liked my resume and personality, she hired me on the spot! Isn’t that great?The only thing is that she wants me to start working on June 29 which is only a little over a week away… I don’t know if I can do that…” Suddenly Olivia stopped her rambling when she saw the look on Kevin’s face. “What’s wrong?”
“Well, I’m very happy for you, hun, but guess what?” he laughed weakly.
“What?” Olivia asked with trepidation, her heart beating furiously inside her chest. He wasn’t going to break up with her, was he? Oh God…
“Don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world,” he tried to make light of it after seeing her crestfallen look. He held up the piece of paper he was holding. “I just received this fax from BSB’s management company and the Never Gone tour starts on…” he hesitated, not wanting to break the news – “on July 22.”
“What?! Oh my God, Kevin, that’s a little over a month away!” Suddenly Olivia’s news was not so happy anymore.
“Baby, I know." Kevin put his arm around her, trying to comfort her.
“I don’t understand. First of all, I didn’t even know you were touring… well, wait, I guess I did know since the album just came out on June 14…”
“Wow, you knew the date and everything! I’m impressed!” Kevin joked and she cracked a little smile.
“But I guess I didn’t think about it." She continued. "How come you didn’t mention it to me?”
“Well, first of all, I knew it was coming, of course, but I was told it might be put off until August and second of all, like you I just didn’t think about it. We were kind of caught up in our own thing the past few days…” he laughed.
"Yeah." Olivia laughed with him. "But should I still move out here if you're going to be on tour-- for how long?"
“Almost seven months. July through the very beginning of February.”
“My God, seven months! Wow!” Olivia was still taking it all in. It was like he was being drafted or something.
“And yes, of course, I still want you to move here! I think it’s fantastic you got that job and I think you should definitely take it. It would be a great opportunity for you. Plus, you will be living with Kelli and you won’t even miss me.. He said to cheer her up, but he hoped it wasn’t true.
Olivia glared at him. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll just take up knitting to occupy my time while you’re off having fun hanging out with your four best friends, singing, traveling and best off all, having screaming, adoring fans – mostly women throwing themselves at you! Yeah, don’t worry about me, I’ll be just fine.” Her sarcasm was evident and at first Kevin chuckled at the humor in it but then he saw tears welling up in her eyes and he was suddenly moved to take her into his arms.
“Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to be away from you either. Wait a minute…” He pulled away and looked at the fax. “Do you think your new boss would let you take a week off the end of August?”
“Yeah, I think so. I can tell her right away I need that week off so she knows what to expect. Why?”
“Because it says here we will be in LA on August 25 and maybe you can come on the tour with us for a week if it’s okay with the guys and management. It looks like we go to Phoenix and then to Vegas, then to Concord and Sacramento, California and then end up in your neck of the woods – Portland, Oregon on September 2. After that we go to Canada, so maybe you can just fly back to LA from Portland. What do you think?”
“Oh my God, Kevin, I would love that!” Olivia brightened.
“Well, wait a sec before you get too excited – I don’t know if you know what’s involved in a tour. It’s not really glamorous. I mean, we’re either riding on a bus or on a plane or in a car and eating and sleeping at weird hours, rehearsing, doing sound checks, doing interviews, meetings, all kinds of crazy stuff. We do manage to have fun – me and guys, and I think you would have fun with us, but I don’t know how much time you and I would get to be together alone or otherwise and I also don’t know where you would need to be when we’re doing all of that."
“Kevin, I don’t care. I have an idea of what is involved and I’m totally fine with it all. I just want to be with you. I can even help you guys with whatever if you needed it.”
Kevin laughed. “Yeah, whenever I need my feet rubbed or back massaged, I’ll let you know!” Olivia hit his arm in jest. “Or better yet – you can be one of our back-up singers!”
To that Olivia laughed out loud. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you heard me sing!”
“Oh, come on, be our Backstreet Girl! I’ll have to hear you sing one of these days.” Kevin teased her.
“No way!” Olivia laughed and then she suddenly became serious again. “Thank you, Kevin. I will look forward to hopefully being with you and the other guys for that week, but I really will miss you during all those other months.”
“I know, it’s going to be a killer for me, too. And I won’t be looking at any other woman, believe me.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“Yes, I'm sure. Come here.” He held her in his arms. “I’ve lived this life for so long, baby, I don’t want to do what I did before. I’m done with all that. I’m ready to be with one person, to be with you. And when we get back, I promise I’ll spend as much time with you as I can.” Kevin kissed the top of her head. “You mean a lot to me, do you know that?” he spoke into her hair, filled with raw emotion.
“Yeah, I know. I feel the same way.” Olivia squeezed him back, her heart swelling with feeling. The “l” word was unspoken, but felt.
Nick received the same fax Kevin did and unlike Kevin, he was sad that the tour was over a month away. He just wanted to get out of town and get refocused on something else. Moving on from Monica was easy, from Olivia, not so much. However, he did work hard on it by keeping himself extremely busy. Over the next couple of days he played basketball, went surfing, scuba diving and checked in with his charity, the Nick Carter Oceans Campaign and played video games. At night, he pretty much drank himself into a coma at one of his favorite bars. He would do anything to keep his mind occupied or numb and it was working because Olivia was becoming a little more of a distant memory. He did wonder how she and Kevin were doing. Probably practically engaged, he thought glumly. He really didn’t want to think about either of them, but he knew he would see Kevin soon for the filming of the “I Still” video and rehearsals and other stuff in preparation for the upcoming Backstreet Boys’ tour.
Walking into the bedroom together, Kevin held Olivia from behind and nibbled on her neck. “That tickles.” She giggled.
“You’re not supposed to laugh, it’s supposed to be a turn-on.” He joked.
“It’s just that one spot, but I do love it when… oh my God!” Olivia said when she spied her suitcase in the corner of the room.
“What’s wrong?”
“I just saw my suitcase and it reminds me that I have to fly back to Portland today! My tickets are for Thursday, but I have to change them to fly out tonight, I guess. I have to go back to work to give my notice and I probably should go in tomorrow… Fuck!’
Kevin laughed. “Well, that sucks! I didn’t even think about that – my mind was somewhere else. Well, I guess I’ll let you go, but not until after I'm done ravishing you.” he said and threw her on the bed. Olivia shrieked with laughter.
“Aren’t you ever going to sick of this?” She giggled as he pulled her skirt off.
“Sick of what?”
“You know!”
“No, I don’t – you’ll have to tell me!” he prodded her.
“Okay, you really want me to say it, you pervert! Are you ever going to get sick of fucking my brains out? There, I said it! How’s that?”
“Good, good! Uh, and the answer is no!” Kevin said as he pulled her panties off and flung them on the floor. Olivia giggled and grabbed for his pants, which came off quicker than she expected. In the next moment, Kevin was on top of her, “fucking her brains out” and they enjoyed the last few minutes they had with each other for awhile.
On Monday afternoon, Nick decided to give Brian a call to see if he wanted to hang out. Brian was actually about to leave to go pick up a friend at LAX.
“Bro, can I tag along? I’m dying here. I need to get out and do something.”
“Well, sure, I guess. It’s not going to be that exciting, but I guess we can talk on the way and hang out afterwards.”
Nick was relieved to find another thing to keep his mind occupied. Staying home today after a busy two days was not an option. Hanging out with his good friend Brian was always fun. They could be wild and crazy and just be themselves around each other.
“God, Bro, I can’t believe that! You mean, you saw this girl practically naked twice and you made out with her at the Pier? You lucky dog! So, what happened?” Brian said to Nick on their drive to the airport. Nick had divulged little about the identity of the “girl”, just the fact that he had met someone and only a little bit of details about those occurrences.
“Uh, well, it didn't work out.” Nick became quiet. He had hoped to share some laughs with Brian, but it wasn’t turning out the way he had hoped.
“What?! You’re kidding me, right? Who is she and what happened?”
“She's no one. Just drop it, Bri." Nick said, hoping he would.
“What a minute! You’re not talking about Kev’s girl, Olivia, are you?”
“What?! No! Why would you think that?”
“Because that's the only girl you’ve met in the past few days that I’m aware of and I know you had a thing for her.”
“No, you’re wrong, I’ve met more than one girl in the past few days. I hung out with Monica at the Red Rocks Tavern Saturday night.” But the second the words were out of his mouth, he instantly regretted them.
“What? Monica? Do you mean Monica Chastain, Kevin’s ex from Jive? You’ve got to be kidding me, man! What the hell is going on with you and Kevin’s women?”
But fortunately Nick didn’t have to answer because they were pulling up to the curb at the arrival area of the airport where Brian’s friend was waving at them.
“Hey, Bri, just give me a sec, okay?” Nick jumped out of the car. He had to have a cigarette. He was pretty stressed after that unsettling conversation.
“Nick, man, don’t be long. I can’t park here!” Brian called after him, busily putting his friends’ bags in his trunk.
Nick walked a few feet away, raised his hand in acknowledgement and lit a cigarette. He happened to look over at the departures area and he spied a familiar car with a familiar man and woman pull up and get out. He watched as the man got her luggage out of the car, put it on the curb and then the two of them embraced passionately, looking like they never wanted to part. Like watching a plane crash (so to speak), he couldn’t take his eyes off of the scene. As the man stepped away and got into the car and took off, the woman happened to look over towards his direction. At first she didn’t recognize him and turned away but then Brian called, “Nick!” and she suddenly jerked around to stare at him wide-mouthed.
“Nick, we’ve got to go! They are going to ticket us!” Brian was yelling at him.
“Brian, I have to go take care of something. Don’t worry about me, I’ll take a cab home. Thanks for the ride!” And Nick was off running towards Olivia. Where the hell was she going?
As soon as Olivia saw Nick coming towards her, she grabbed the handle of her suitcase on wheels and started high-tailing it through the terminal’s revolving doors. Since she was several feet away from him, she made it through without a problem, but then she looked around for her ticket counter. Damn! Where was Alaska Airlines anyway? Looking around, she saw it way down on the left side of the airport and just as she was starting to head that way, she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Olivia! Oh my God, WHY”--pant, pant--“DID”--pant, pant--“YOU”--pant, pant--“RUN AWAY?” He said and put his hands on his knees to catch his breath. ‘The cigarettes and alcohol are killing me’, he thought to himself, ‘ plus I’m out of shape’, but thousands of swooning female fans would probably disagree with him.
“Oh, gee, let me see… the last time I saw you, you had your tongue down my throat!” came her icy reply. The truth was she was more scared to be around Nick than mad at him. She was mad at herself for being attracted to him before and still being attracted to him now, in spite of her intense feelings for Kevin. Olivia’s heart began to beat faster and her pulse raced just as it always did whenever she was around him. He had this affect over her like no other, even Kevin, she hated to admit it to herself and that’s why she had to get away as fast as she could.
“Hey, you kissed me back so I know you wanted it just as much as I did!” Nick threw back at her.
“Yeah, I know and I’m sorry for yelling at you. " Olivia admitted, her anger dissipating. He was right, of course, but she couldn't stay with him any longer or she would start kissing him again. "Look, Nick, I have to go. I have a plane to catch and I don’t have time to talk. Bye.” Olivia started to walk away. Get away as fast as you can the voice inside her screamed and another voice said stay with him, but she had to ignore that voice for her sake and Kevin’s.
“Olivia, wait! I’m sorry, too. I’m not mad at you. In fact, I can’t stop thinking about you and… where are you going anyway?”
Olivia stopped to face him. “I’m going back to Portland to give my notice. I got a job here – that job I told you about.” You have to go, you have to go now! The voice inside her screamed.
“That’s great! I’m happy for you! So, you’ll be back then?”
“Yeah, in a week, I’ll be back. Nick, I’ve got to go.” And she tried to leave again.
“Don't go. I want to talk to you." And he tried to stop her by putting his hand on her arm.
“Nick I can’t, okay? Please let me go. Take care of yourself.”
"Can I at least give you a hug goodbye?" Without waiting for an answer, Nick grabbed her and gave her a warm hug, but Olivia pulled away almost immediately. "I've gotta go."
'Oh, God, Oh, God' , she wanted to kiss him so bad right now and do more than that...
Olivia practically ran down the terminal towards the ticket counter, leaving Nick standing there staring after her, wondering. He never saw the tears running down her cheeks...
