"I'm just tryin to figure out
What's wrong with your head
Everytime I look around
You're somewhere else instead
I wanna ask you why
But everytime I try, you cry
And I want you to know
When you’re floatin in space
And I want you to know
If you ever come back down
And I need you to know
I wanna breathe you
I wanna feel you near
This is my confession
I wanna see what you see
When you cry those tears
Give me just a second
What am I to do?
Maybe it’s obsession
But this my confession”
Two days for Olivia and Kevin was like two hours. Their time together flew and before they knew it, Kevin was back on a plane to Canada to continue with the BSB tour.
Olivia sighed and looked at the beautiful rock on her ring finger. They had had a wonderful time shopping for her engagement ring. She ended up picking a fairly simple, but elegant marquee diamond. It looked beautiful on her finger she had to admit.
Everything about her and Kevin’s time together was perfect. They ate, drank and lived one another. Scarcely spending a moment apart from each other, they shopped a little and ate a lot and drank some (Kevin), but of course, the highlight was always the sex! The fabulous, glorious sex! That was one aspect of their lives she felt would probably always be exciting, even after years of being together.
They slept at Kevin’s house, but they went out for dinner at Paradise Cove and The Lobster and Kevin noticed that Olivia ate whenever she got the chance. And did she eat! Whenever they were near a food stand or a grocery store or a fast food place, she had to get something. “I’m amazed that you are still so thin with all the food you eat!” He had commented. She had just laughed at him and took another bite of her hot dog.
They took Kelli and Danny out to dinner on the last night Kevin was in town. The four of them got along very well and had fun talking and laughing. Kevin had his arm around Olivia much of the time and Kelli kept commenting on how adorable they looked. Olivia would blush and Kevin would kiss her, which made her blush more.
“I have to say, you look really good pregnant!” Danny had blurted out to Olivia and Kelli hit him. “Hey, you aren’t supposed to say that! You’re supposed to have eyes for me only!”
“Oh, is that the way it's supposed to be?” He teased.
“I guess I’ll have to get pregnant for him to pay attention to me!” Kelli joked.
“Oh, no, you don’t want to. It really has just become enjoyable for me this past month. The first two months I threw up a lot!” Olivia said.
“No wonder you can eat so much now and keep your figure!” Kevin laughed.
“Let me see that rock again, Olivia.” Kelli said and Olivia extended her hand.
“Oh, my God, girl! That’s beautiful!” She looked over at Danny.
“Why is it that when a friend of your girlfriend gets engaged, she gives you a ‘I want one of those’ looks!” Danny said and Kevin died laughing.
“So have you guys set a date?” Kelli asked, ignoring Danny’s sarcastic remark.
Olivia shook her head. “We talked about it and I haven’t decided if I want to get married being nine months pregnant because that’s the soonest time we could do it— in February after the tour is over or post-baby sometime after March. I’ll keep you posted.”
And then suddenly things changed when a fan approached Kevin for an autograph and someone snapped a picture.
“Are you guys ready to go?” Kevin asked, not wanting to subject them to any possible media attention.
When they were standing outside waiting to get their cars from the valet, Kevin said, “Sorry about that, guys.”
“Don’t worry about it, dude. We know you’re famous. It’s actually kind of fun getting the attention!” Danny said and Kelli smiled at him gratefully. That was one of the reasons she loved him— the eternal optimist.
“Yeah, I’m kind of getting used to it now. I fully expect our picture to be in some celeb magazine within a week!” Olivia laughed and Kevin kissed her gratefully. She had taken his fame in stride and he really appreciated it. They had already had some pictures taken of them the day before when they were shopping for her ring; so she really was getting used to it.
On the drive home, Olivia said, “That was really fun. Did you have a good time?”
“Yeah, that was great. They are really cool people. I hope they do end up getting married. Do you think they will?”
“Danny is trying to get his master’s degree so as soon as he’s done with that, I think they will.” Olivia said.
Olivia was quiet for a minute and then changed the subject.
“Kevin, can I ask you something without you reading too much into it?”
“I guess it depends what it is, but go for it.”
“How is Nick doing?”
Kevin wasn’t expecting that question at this particular moment, but he had guessed that she might ask him that at some point during his visit. He paused and then said, “He’s fine.”
“Don’t get mad, but as a friend, I just wondered how he was really doing. I mean, have you guys talked about anything or just gone on as normal?”
Kevin stole a glance at her. “Olivia, we don’t talk about it. It’s better that we don’t. I think he has accepted that you and I are getting married and raising the baby and has moved on. At least that’s the way it appears to me. I don’t know what’s really going on in his mind.”
“Oh, okay. That’s all I wanted to know. Seriously, that was all. I was just curious. Are you okay that I asked that?”
“Baby, as long as you love me, I’m fine.” Then he burst out laughing. “I can’t believe I just said that!”
“Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine, I do love you.” Olivia smiled.
Kevin grabbed her hand and kissed it, satisfied knowing that she really did.
It was a long two months and although both Kevin and Olivia were busy during that time, they both missed each other terribly and longed to be together again. Olivia was thrilled and excited to see her body change and she finally got to buy the maternity clothes she had been longing for. At five months pregnant, she was obviously showing and happy to be out of the “is she fat or pregnant?” stage. At four and a half months, Olivia felt the baby kick for the first time and as thrilled as she was about it, she was sad that Kevin wasn’t there to share it with her. Of course, she told him about it on the phone and he was happy about it, but it just wasn’t the same. She was glad, though that Kelli was around a lot so she could share the ups and downs of her pregnancy and her missing Kevin woes.
Finally, November 13 arrived and Olivia was overcome with excitement to see Kevin again. She was alone in her house when there was a knock on the door. Kevin had told her he would get a ride from the airport to her house, so she was expecting to see him when she flung open the door. To her surprise, she saw a blonde-haired, blue-eyed man, not the dark-haired, green-eyed one she had been expecting.
“Nick! Hi! I wasn’t expecting you!” Olivia hugged him.
“Hi, Olivia. I know. I’m sorry I didn’t call, but I was on my way home and I just got inspired to come see you. I hope it’s okay.”
“Yeah, sure. Come in!” The truth was she was happy to see him. She had secretly missed him these past two months. She hadn’t seen him since she left the guys on September 2. And man, did he look sexy as always; he was wearing his usual t-shirt and jeans which always hugged all his curves in the right places.
“Wow! You look…” He began.
“Pregnant!” Olivia laughed. She was wearing a dark green body-hugging maternity mini-dress, which brought out the green in her eyes. It also showed that she didn’t have an ounce of fat anywhere on her body other than her stomach and accentuated her ever-growing curves.
Nick laughed. “I was going to say wonderful, but yeah, I guess you are really showing now.”
Olivia put her hands on her stomach. “Yeah, it’s hard to believe, huh?”
“Do you mind?” Nick gestured to her bulge.
“No, go ahead. Everyone else does.”
Nick laid a gentle hand on her stomach.
“Ooh. He or she just kicked. Here, feel right here.” She guided his hand to the left side of her stomach and suddenly Nick felt the baby kick.
“Oh my God! That’s freaky! So cool, though.”
Olivia laughed. “Yeah, I’m just kind of getting used to it, but I still love the feeling. It really reminds me that the baby is in there. As if I could forget!”
“So, what are you doing here? I didn’t know you were coming back before you left for Europe.”
Could Nick tell her he came back to see her? What would she think? “Um… I just missed home and wanted to tie up some loose ends here before I went back.” He tried to sound convincing. Olivia looked skeptical, but didn’t question him.
“So, tell me about the tour. I’m dying to know everything!” Olivia said as she sat down on a couch and he sat on a chair opposite her and chatted for awhile. Nick told her how exciting, but exhausting it had been, but he left out the part about how much he missed her and still loved her. He ached to tell her how he felt.
“God, it sounds great! I wish I could be there! So, have there been any women you’ve been interested in? I mean, girls throw themselves at you all the time and you’re used to that, but anyone special?” She asked, hopeful that he had found someone so that she could finally move on and not think about him anymore.
Nick shook his head. “No, unfortunately. There’s only been…” and he stopped himself in time. God, what an idiot, Nick! Don’t say that! He was kicking himself.
“There’s only been who?”
“Uh, no one. I don’t know why I said that. Look, I know Kevin is probably on his way here and I don’t want to mess up your reunion, so I’m going to go. It’s been great seeing you though. You look beautiful.” Nick stood up to leave.
“Nick, wait. It seems like you’re always leaving in a hurry and I don’t ever get to hear what’s on your mind. I probably shouldn’t ask, but I’m tired of being left in the dark, left alone feeling you didn’t get to say what you wanted to say or do what you wanted to do.”
“Olivia, you don’t want me to say what I want to say, do what I want to do. I have to leave because it’s best for everyone involved before things…” he swallowed, “uh, get out of hand.”
“You’re right, you’re right. You should go.” She said, but as Nick started to leave again, she stopped him.
“Okay, wait a minute. It’s probably my hormones talking— I’ve been so sentimental lately, but I can’t let you leave without speaking your mind. So, whatever it is, please tell me. Don’t worry, I’ll give you my honest opinion as usual.”
Nick smiled and hesitated. What should he do? The devil on one shoulder told him to spill his guts to her, but the angel on the other shoulder told him to walk out the door-- now. Olivia looked at him, waiting and he melted. That angelic face, that body, that mind… oh God, he was lost.
“This isn’t right.” He said, shaking his head, but he sat down again.
“It probably isn’t best, but you’re sitting there and I’m sitting here and we’re not touching, so what harm can there be in just talking?” At least that’s what she told herself. Keep telling yourself that, Olivia. “So, talk to me, Nick. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
Nick sighed. What could he say? “Olivia, I can’t tell you what I’ve wanted to tell you for so long. I wish I could, but I can’t. Not only are you are engaged to one of my best friends, but we obviously have a history together, so it’s not right. I don’t know what you want me to say.”
She appreciated his honesty. Yeah, he was right. It wasn’t best. Just because she wanted to hear that maybe he loved her, maybe he still wanted her to fulfill some emotional need she may have, what was that going to solve? She would just have to once again reject him and hurt him all over again.
“God, you are so logical and practical like most men are. I wish I didn’t think with my heart most of time, but used my head more. Again, you’re right. So, I guess I’ll let you go.”
Olivia walked Nick to the door and hugged him. He felt her arms around him again, her soft breasts pressed against his chest and the smell of her… God, he always loved the smell of her. All of his hard work was suddenly undone. Nick pulled away and blurted out, “Olivia, I’m in love with you. I think I have been since that first day we met. I didn’t realize it until after I walked out on you that day at my house, but I’ve so wanted to tell you ever since. Of course, I never could because you have been with Kevin, but it feels good to finally tell you.” They were frozen in time, not knowing what to say and then the loud ring of the telephone broke the spell.
“Hello? Hi Kevin! Where are you? You’re about 20 minutes away? Great! I can’t wait to see you! I love you, too.” Olivia looked up at Nick and saw his crestfallen look. “Bye.” Olivia hung up the phone.
Nick held up his hand. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m going to go. It was great to see you.” Nick smiled and walked out the door. Olivia stood there, still in shock at Nick’s confession, but she wanted to know more. She ran after Nick and met him at his car.
“Nick, just one more thing. You told me you love me, but what does that mean? What if I were to say, I love you, too and I want to be with you, what then?” She had to know.
“I would say we love each other and all the other details would work themselves out.”
“But that’s not good enough for me, Nick. If you haven’t noticed, I’m pregnant and I’m engaged. I have a future mapped out for me and my child with Kevin. What would you have to offer me if I were to give that up?”
Nick grabbed her and kissed her good and hard. When he pulled away he said, “I would give you that. I would give you love, affection, security and damn good sex, but no, I couldn’t offer you marriage. Not now or maybe ever. I would be faithful to you, Olivia, live with you and raise the baby with you. I could be everything you would ever want, except I couldn’t be Kevin. So, if you truly love Kevin and want to marry him, marry him, and I’ll be happy for you guys and step aside. But just know that it’s truly over for us then. I have to move on and get on with my life.”
Olivia’s eyes filled with tears and she blamed it on the hormones, but deep down she knew it was more than that. Her feelings for Nick over the past six months were culminating into this one moment and this was it – do or die. She cried at the cruelness of fate to make her love two men so much and so deeply and yet to have to choose only one. Why hadn’t she met them at different times in her life and been able to share time with both of them? But, again, that was one of life’s little ironies.
“I understand.” Olivia choked out, tears freely cascading down her cheeks.
“Don’t cry, baby, I can’t stand it.” Nick said and wiped the tears away with his fingers, looking into her eyes.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” She laughed. “I wish so much I could be with you, Nick, with all my heart I do. Do you believe me?”
“Yes, I believe you. Olivia, it’s okay. I already know you will choose Kevin. I knew that before I even came here to see you today, yes, I came all this way to see you… but I still wanted to see you, you know, just in case. Kevin is a good man and he really loves you. You guys will be really happy together, and it’s for the best.”
Olivia clung to Nick, still crying and then said into his chest, “You know what I wish and I shouldn’t be saying this, but…”
“What?” Nick asked.
“I wish we could make love one more time.”
Nick wished with all his heart (and another organ) the same.
