"I'm the one, she told me so
I don’t want to be the one to tell you
It’s not you she wants to see, it’s me
So give it up, turn her loose
You’re too blind to see
You gotta let it be, she wants me”
Nick came home late Friday night or more like morning, more than a little drunk and walked into his bedroom. He saw the ice cream melted in a puddle in the bowl and the spoon lying by the bed and his “Red Rocks” t-shirt thrown onto his bed. He sat on the bed and tears ran down his cheeks as his broken heart ached for her.
When Kevin awoke Saturday morning, he remembered all the things that he had to do today and groaned. He didn’t want to see Nick and he wasn’t ready to see Olivia. Were they together now? He wondered. This was one day he wished he could just stay in bed.
Kevin and Nick had to see each other over weekend due to appearances the Backstreet Boys had to make— interviews and other promotional stuff. Even Monica was around. It was definitely an awkward situation, but it had to be done.
On Sunday, the boys had a meeting at the recording studio. When they were finished, Kevin finally pulled Nick aside.
“Nick, let’s go have a talk.” Nick knew it was coming and dreaded it, but there was some things he wanted to say to Kevin, too. They went into one of empty offices and closed the door.
“Nick, I’m going to get right to the point. I have to know… what the fuck were you doing fucking my girlfriend, man?!” Kevin had to vent; he had to get it out. It had been eating at him for two days now.
Nick thought about what to say to Kevin. He didn’t want this to come between them and ruin their friendship. They had been friends for as long as BSB had been together— 13 years and the bond they shared with each other and the three other guys couldn’t be easily broken. The five of them had been through a lot together— dealing with AJ and his alcohol and drug abuse, ending their Black & Blue tour early so he could go into rehab, Nick’s DUI and girl troubles and other things and they had all gotten past it and it had made them stronger. So maybe the two of them could move past this, too; at least he hoped so.
“Look, Kev, I don’t blame you for being pissed at me— I would be, too if the situation were reversed, but Olivia came to my house to ask me who Monica was and I told her that you should be the one to tell her, but she insisted, so I told her. She already suspected she was your ex-girlfriend anyway. And she also told me what she overheard on the phone, and it sounded like you cheated on her, so…”
“So, what? You felt you could now fuck her with a clear conscience?!” Kevin fumed.
“No, it wasn’t like that. It just happened, man. It wasn’t planned. I’m really sorry I hurt you— it wasn’t my intention. You know me, Kev, you know I wouldn’t fuck you over on purpose. You’re one of my best friends— I wouldn’t stab you in the back like that intentionally. I didn’t and still don’t want to screw up our friendship.”
“So, what the hell are we going to do now? Are you guys a fucking couple now?”
“No, man, I walked out on her right after you left and haven’t heard from her since.” Nick said.
Kevin thought, ‘She’s not with Nick!’ and his heart rejoiced. For the past two days, he had thought about the situation with Nick and Olivia and realized that she had only slept with Nick to lash out at him and that she really did love him. He could forgive her indiscretion and move on, except for Nick… he didn’t know if they were sleeping together, in love, dating or what. He didn’t want to face the awful thought of any of those possibilities, so he hadn’t tried contacting Olivia. But now that he knew she wasn’t with Nick, he wanted to see her, talk to her, kiss her, tell her he loved her and he missed her because he really did. Now, Nick was another matter. He had no right giving into his lustful feelings for Olivia, taking advantage of her fragile disposition, taking advantage of their friendship. He was still so angry with him, but he was curious as to why Nick walked out on Olivia.
“Why did you walk out on her?” Kevin asked.
“Does it really matter, dude? The point is I told her she should go back to you--wait, she’s not with you?” Nick seemed surprised.
“No. I haven’t heard from her since that day either. I wonder why she hasn’t called or come by...” Kevin said, now a little worried about her; after all, apparently they had both walked out on her. She was probably hurt and maybe pissed at both of them for leaving her in the lurch. Maybe she didn’t want anything to do with either of them. Did she go back to Portland and if so, did she stay there or is she here living with Kelli? Kevin was determined to find out the answers to those questions as soon as possible.
“I don’t know. Maybe she's mad at both of us.” Nick said, a little surprised himself. He had been hoping against all hope she would have gotten in touch with him over the weekend, too, but of course, she hadn't.
Kevin said. “Nick, it’s going to take me awhile to get over this. The thought of the two of you together— God!” The image of Nick and Olivia sitting on the bed in each other’s arms, kissing and laughing and the thought of them making love made him wince and banish the thoughts quickly from his mind.
Shaking off the bad thoughts, Kevin said. “You said you walked out on Olivia. Is that it or are you going to pursue her? How do you feel about her?” He asked, dreading the answer.
“Kev, I don’t know.” Nick sighed. He was hesitant to say anything for fear he would hurt Kevin even more.
“Just be honest for once in your fucking life.” Kevin spat at him.
“Okay, you want fucking honesty, here’s some fucking honesty for you. I’m in love with her. I don’t know what I’m going to do about it yet if anything, but I will tell you that if she wants you, I will bow out gracefully and I promise I will never come between the two of you again. I told you I won’t fuck you over, man.”
Damn! Nick was in love with her?! He hadn’t expected that… or had he? It was more like he had dreaded it. How the hell did that happen?! How the hell did they get so caught up in this tangled web?! They were the best of friends and now they were battling it out for the love of a woman. This was fucked up big time.
“But you already did fuck me over, Nick!”
“Yeah, but not intentionally. I swear I thought you guys were broken up!”
“Even if we were, Nick, you knew how I felt about her…”
“Yeah, but did I Kevin? Did you ever actually tell me how you felt about her?! No, I don’t remember that conversation. I know she was a girlfriend, but did I ever really fucking KNOW how you felt about her Kevin?” Now Nick was getting pissed. He was tired of pleading his case. Enough was enough. It happened, let’s move on, he thought.
“Nick, she was my girlfriend so that shit doesn’t fly with me.” Kevin paused and then said, “So, does Olivia know you love her? Does she love you?”
Nick shook his head. “No, man, I didn’t realize it until after she had gone. And I have no idea how she feels about me or you at this point. We did both fucking walk out on her.”
Kevin sat there for a minute and then out of the clear blue, he started laughing. Nick looked at him in shock.
“What’s so funny?”
“This! This whole situation is so fucked up, man! I have to laugh because there’s nothing else I can fucking do! I can be pissed at you and I still am, but what good is that going to do? We have to work together, we have to see each other and we have to see Olivia at some point and see who she decides to be with if either one of us.”
“Yeah, I guess." Nick allowed himself a little smile. It was nice to ease the tension a little.
“Okay, moving on... now I’m going to be honest with you.” Kevin got serious again and it was time for him to admit some things to Nick.
“I’m completely and hopelessly in love with Olivia and I am ready, willing and able to marry her and have babies with her, that is if she’ll have me. Are you willing to commit to her, marry her, Nick?”
The question caught Nick off guard and he was quiet.
“Yeah, that’s what I figured. Nick, look, you’re only 25 years old and I know you don’t want to get married, so even though you may think you’re in love with her, do you think she is going to wait around for when you are ready, if you are ever ready? I know she wants to get married some day.”
Nick pondered Kevin’s words for a minute. He was right, of course, regarding him— he didn’t want to get married— not now, anyway but who knows how he would feel in the future. He hadn’t even thought about marriage or the future though; all he had thought about was being with Olivia now. Kevin and Olivia would probably make the perfect couple and would be very happy together. What did he have to offer to Olivia? He came from a broken and dysfunctional family and he still had some issues to work on regarding marriage and relationships. He wasn’t the best choice for her… but wait a minute?! Wasn’t that up to Olivia to decide? He wanted to hear it firsthand from her what she wanted and not get Kevin’s opinion of what he thought she wanted.
“I hear what you’re saying, man, but I just don’t know what I’m going to do. I have to think about it.” Nick said honestly.
"Whatever, man. See ya." Kevin shook his head and opened the office door, walked out and proceeded to walk out the building. He was so done with this conversation.
A tired, but grateful Olivia arrived at Kelli’s house on Sunday afternoon. She was so glad to finally make it to her new home and into her friend’s open arms. She parked the U-Haul down the street and grabbed her purse, suitcase and overnight bag and walked up to Kelli’s door. She was stopped to read the note taped to the door:
“Olivia, I went to the store and then to pick up Danny and the guys. We’ll be back by 4:00. Kelli.”
Olivia sighed. At first she was sad her friend wouldn’t be there to greet her, but then she decided it was a good thing. She looked at her watch. It was just after 3:00, so that gave her almost a full hour to try to relax, unwind and maybe take a nap. Kelli would be bringing back her boyfriend and two of his friends to help unpack the U-Haul. Olivia was so grateful for the help. With the five of them it shouldn’t take that much time, but she was thankful she could rest up before they arrived.
Using the key Kelli had given her to open the door, Olivia walked in her house to be greeted by a “Welcome Home, Olivia!” sign hanging over the living room and she grinned. What a cool friend she had! ‘I am home’, Olivia thought and she walked into her new bedroom. Kelli had cleaned it out except the bed she agreed to give Olivia and some end tables and a dresser.
Olivia flung her purse on the bed and as she did so, her cell phone flew out and landed on her pillow. Olivia picked it up and flipped it open. She saw that she had three voice mail messages. She went to her voice mail and the first voice she heard was Kevin's:
“Babe, it’s me, Kevin. I’m really sorry I missed you. Baby, where do I begin? I’m so sorry about what happened on Friday. I was so mad and I was wrong. I know why you did what you did and I hope you still love me because I still love you. Please call me. I really want to talk to you and see you. I miss you.”
The next message was from Kelli:
“Olivia! I wish I could talk to you, but oh well. I know you’re on your way here, I just wanted to let you know that Nick just called me an he wanted to know your phone number so I gave him your cell number. I hope you don’t mind! Don’t be mad at me! He sounded so desperate to talk to you and I thought you two should talk… anyway, I just wanted to warn you that he will be calling you… and I didn’t give him any other information except you number, just so you know! I can’t wait to see you! Bye!”
And the third message was from, of course, Nick:
“Hey, Olivia, it’s me, Nick. I know you’re probably surprised to hear from me after I yelled at you and walked out on you Friday, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the things I said and for leaving you there— I was wrong. Hey, I really need to talk to you, so can you please call me back as soon as possible? Thanks. I can’t wait to talk to you!”
Olivia closed her phone and sat there with a smile on her face. Oh my God, they both still care about me and want me! It was more than she had hoped for… and then it hit her, as happy she was to hear from Nick and how much she did still care about him, she missed Kevin the most and she really wanted to be with him. Kevin was the one she would love forever. It would be hard to get over Nick, though… Olivia unzipped her suitcase and pulled out the stuffed dog he had won for her at the Pier that day. She had taken it off of his dresser that day on a whim and she was now glad she did as she hugged it firmly to her chest, remembering their time together and feeling sad that it would be over. She loved Nick, but she was in love with Kevin. She had finally made up her mind— she chose Kevin. Olivia hugged her dog, her eyes damp with tears, laid her head on her pillow and within minutes she was in dreamland.
