"Even in my heart, I see
You're not bein' true to me
Deep within my soul, I feel
Nothing's like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could, turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could, so bad, baby…
Quit playing games with my heart”
Kevin drove into Nick’s driveway and parked his car. He turned off the ignition and sat there for a minute, pondering his next move. What the hell was he doing here? How could the situation have escalated to a point where he might have to discover them in bed? He dreaded entering Nick’s house. He wasn’t even sure how to go about it. Did he knock? Did he check to see if the door was unlocked and stealthily walk in to surprise them? Did he walk around back and look in a window? Nick’s house was fairly secure, but he had been there before and knew he could figure out a way to get in unnoticed if he wanted to. Did he even want to go in? Yes, he decided. He had to see for his own eyes what was going on with them.
Taking a deep breath, Kevin got out of the car and made his way up the steps to the door. He knocked softly, but he heard some music and laughter inside, so he checked the doorknob and shockingly, the door opened when he turned it. Nick must have been too distracted to lock the door, he thought and he suspected he knew why.
Kevin walked in, noticing right away their clothes strewn all over the living room floor and the pillows on the couch in disarray. Kevin winced at the thought of the possible activity that went on there, his heart was pounding out of his chest and the bile in his throat rising in hurt and anger. Then he heard laughter coming from the bedroom, so he slowly walked over to the bedroom opening and peered in, dreading what he might see.
Ironically, Journey’s “Faithfully” was playing on Nick’s stereo. Olivia was sitting in Nick’s lap, still wearing his t-shirt feeding him ice cream and as it dribbled down his chin, she was licking it off, then up to his mouth where they kissed and giggled. As she was going to give him another spoonful, suddenly something caught the corner of her eye and she turned as if in slow motion to see Kevin standing there, staring at them, a look of shock on his face. She dropped the spoon and stared back at him, wide-eyed. Oh my fucking god! She thought and sat there in shock, frozen to the spot.
“What’s wrong?” Nick asked and turned to see what caught her attention. Once he saw Kevin and realized who it was, he instantly moved away from Olivia and stood up.
“Kev…” he started walking towards him, apologetically.
Kevin held up his hand to stop Nick and backed up. Olivia finally snapped out of it and jumped up and ran after Kevin who walking towards the front door.
“Wait! Kevin, what are you doing here?” she asked, unsure of her feelings. She didn’t know whether to be mad at him for his betrayal, ashamed of her actions or happy to see him. She would have been happy to see him under different circumstances but these circumstances sucked!
Kevin turned to face his Jezebel girlfriend. “What am I doing here, Olivia?! What the hell are you doing here?!” he flung at her, furious at the scene he just witnessed. It was almost worse seeing her feed him, kissing and laughing like they had been than actually fucking. Fucking would have been a more animalistic act that he could have maybe understood, but this lovey-dovey bonding he witnessed was way worse than anything he could have imagined. It means their connection went beyond sex, it was in the feelings category now and that was almost impossible to compete with. That is, if he still wanted to compete with it. At this very moment, he wasn’t sure he wanted to hang on anymore. He was so hurt and angry right now.
Olivia was taken aback at first, but realized that even if he had betrayed her, he would still, of course, be hurt that she was with Nick, especially wearing his t-shirt and… oh god, she noticed their clothes were still lying on the floor and she was sure he had seen them. Oh shit! Then reminding herself that she had every right to be just as pissed with him, she regained her resolve.
“Well, Kevin, after I heard Monica giving you what sounded like the best fucking blow job of your life and who knows, maybe you had fucked her before or after that, I decided that I wasn’t going to wait around in Portland for you fly out to see me and give me all kinds of bullshit lies… I didn’t need that shit after what Jack put me through and you knew that…” she got more mad the more she thought about it and continued, “so I decided to fly back here and ask Nick…”
“Oh, of course, ask Nick. Yeah, I can see why you would ask Nick, my good friend, Nick! Because you’ve been fucking wanting him since the moment you met him and don’t deny it! So, yeah, you begged Kelli for his fucking address…” he saw the look of shock on her face, “Yeah, I talked to Kelli… and you ran over here as fast as you could to fuck my friend! I am so pissed and both of you right now! Fuck!” He was fuming.
“Hey, man, I'm so sorry…” Nick walked out to interrupt but Kevin once again put his hand up.
“Not now, dude. Stay out of it.” And Nick backed off, realizing it was their fight. He and Kevin would have to deal with their issues later. So he walked back into the bedroom and tried not to listen, but how could he not?!
“Well, here’s a news flash, Kevin, I’m pissed at you, too! Why the hell did you have to fuck up what we had together?! Why did you have to let your dick do the talking and screw her, your ex-girlfriend that I never knew about by the way— when we had it so good? Why?” Her anger was turning into sadness, tears welling up behind her eyes.
“Oh, well, I guess Nick told you about her, so now you know! Olivia, I didn’t screw her! I didn’t even willingly let her suck my dick! We all went out Thursday night after filming the video for drinks and I admit I stayed out late talking with her and I know I didn’t call you or return your phone calls and I’m sorry about that— but all we did was talk! The next morning, I slept in and Monica came in, saw me with a hard-on apparently and decided to take it upon herself to suck me off like “the fucking old days” or some shit like that and I thought it was you! And then the phone rang and it was you and you know what happened then. And then after I hung up with you, I yelled at her and chased her out of the house!”
“What about my conversation with her, then? And you were in the shower?”
“I was in the shower because I wanted some time to de-stress and relax before I talked to you – I was very upset with her… and I thought she was gone. I had no idea that conversation even took place until about an hour ago when she dropped the bomb on me because she was pissed at me.”
“So you weren’t planning to get back together with her?” Olivia asked.
“Hell, no! I was in love with you!” he said. There he had finally said it to her. He loved her, but it was the worse possible situation to tell her and he instantly regretted saying it.
“Was?” she asked, letting those words and all his other words sink in. He hadn’t cheated on her! Her heart swelled with happiness momentarily until she remembered how she had betrayed him. She was the one who cheated on him! The realization hit her like a ton of bricks and her heart sank.
“I don’t know how I feel now after seeing you guys together and knowing what you did…” he said as his eyes strayed to the crumpled clothing on the floor.
“Oh, Kevin, you never told me… I was so hoping that you loved me.” Then she added sincerely, “I’m so sorry.” Olivia reached out to touch him, but he backed away.
“No… I’ve gotta go… I can’t talk to you anymore.” Kevin didn’t want her to touch him or be near him. He was disgusted at her actions right now and pissed at Nick, too. He wanted to get the hell out of the house and away from them and any reminders of their betrayal. Kevin walked out the front door, toward his car and Olivia followed him. Suddenly Nick’s song “Don’t Walk Away” went through her mind… “don’t walk away, baby, you’ve got to hear me say I’m sorry…” that’s how she felt right now.
“Kevin, wait!” Olivia said and he stopped right before getting in his car and turned to look at her.
“I really am sorry. I wouldn’t have been with Nick if I didn’t think you were with Monica…”
“We both know that’s not true… it would have happened sooner or later. Go back to him, he’s waiting. It’s what you wanted all along.” And Kevin got in his car, started it up and took off screeching down the driveway.
“But I love you…” Olivia whispered, tears streaming down her face. What have I done? I’ve lost the man I love because I wanted to have sex with Nick! she thought. But it hadn’t just been sex with Nick; it was more than that and although she didn’t think Nick was willing to commit himself to her like Kevin was, she hoped he had feelings for her. She felt terrible at the pain she caused Kevin and was sorry he found them together, but she wasn’t sorry about what she and Nick had shared today. It had been magical.
Olivia was so confused. She didn’t know who or what she wanted right now; it was like her heart was in two places at once. Kevin was her heart, her home, her future and Nick was her desire, her livelihood, her sexual soulmate. It might be a moot point what she wanted right now because she might have lost both of them, she thought sadly.
Drying her tears and walking back into Nick’s house, she noticed her clothes were draped neatly on the back of the couch and his were gone. She walked into the bedroom to see him fully dressed and lacing up his tennis shoes.
“Where are you going?” She asked, her heart pounding furiously in her chest.
Nick looked up at her and frowned. “I’m leaving.” He said.
“But, why? Nick, I’m really sorry…”
“Yeah, I bet you are, Olivia! You’re really sorry you ever came over, right? You’re really sorry you fucked me, you’re really sorry you shared the last fucking three hours with me! You only did it because you thought Kevin was fucking around on you and now that it turns out he wasn’t, so you’ll go running back to him while I’m once again stuck picking up the pieces of my heart!” He yelled, staring at her.
Olivia looked at Nick in shock, not at all expecting that kind of reaction from him.
“Nick, I’m not sorry for what we shared today. I’m just confused right now. I don’t know what I want and I didn’t think you wanted more…”
“More than sex? Yeah, I guess I did.” He said quietly.
“I didn’t know! You never said anything!” she flung at him. Olivia’s heart soared when she realized he had feelings for her deeper than she had ever dared to hope for. But then she thought about Kevin and how he would probably be willing to give her what she didn’t think Nick could… a total commitment of love and fidelity.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me you had feelings for me?” she said, furious at him for not expressing his feelings for her. But would it have made a difference? She still would have had to make a choice and she couldn’t make one even now.
“Olivia, because of Kevin! I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my friendship with him to go after you if I didn’t think I had more feelings for you than just lust! I was going to walk away and let you guys be together but when you came crying on my doorstep today and gave yourself to me willingly, I realized I really do care about you and I want more… but you know, fuck it! We both hurt Kevin and I’m really upset about that, plus you’ll be running back to him, so I’m gone! Go back to him, Olivia. I hope you two will be very happy. You can let yourself out.” Nick moved past her and walked out the door. Olivia heard the car start and peel off and she was left standing there in shock, still wearing Nick’s “Red Rocks” t-shirt.
