"Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess"
Lying there exhausted, but extremely happy and satisfied, both Nick and Olivia had permanent smiles pasted on their faces. Nick was not usually what you would call much of a “cuddler” but he didn’t want to let go of Olivia. He was so enjoying sharing the moments with her in the afterglow of their lovemaking.
Nick kissed her forehead. “Baby, that was incredible. Seriously, it has never been that good.” Olivia’s smile got bigger as she looked up at him from the comfort of his arm.
“I was just thinking that same thing.” She reached up to kiss his succulent lips, knowing she could never get enough of him. Her whole being came alive when she was with him and what they had just shared was the closest she had come to heaven on earth. At this moment Kevin was a distant memory.
Sharing a brief kiss, they continued to hold one another, reveling in each other’s nakedness and the closeness they felt for each other.
“Now, you know that you just slept with an older woman, don’t you?” Olivia couldn’t resist teasing him.
Nick chuckled. “Oh, gee, how much older can you be than me, Grandma?” He played with a stray lock of her golden hair that had fallen on his shoulder.
“Well, not that old I guess. I turned 30 last February, so just five years…” Olivia giggled.
“I’ve had older…” Nick laughed.
“I’m sure you have, Mr. Playboy!” she teased him, not really wanting to know how many he had “had”. “I just read somewhere that you like older women and brunettes.” Olivia laughed.
“Don’t believe everything you read.” Nick said. “Screw brunettes.”
“Or a blonde in my case!” Olivia giggled.
“Yeah, that’s what I would like to do right now.” Nick said and kissed her mouth, then her neck, and then strayed down to her breasts, kissing her nipples, aroused and wanting her again.
Olivia was tempted to give in, wanting him again, too, but there was something she wanted to do first.
“Hold on a second, mister!” She said jumping up.
Nick was taken aback, but liked the sight of her beautiful naked body displayed fully for his perusal and his eyes took in every curve, every nuance of her unclad loveliness. His erection was now completely obvious.
“What is it?” He smiled at her.
“Come with me.” She took his hand, not missing the protruding member of his anatomy – and led him into his bedroom.
“Now you’re talking.” he said, about to take her in his arms, but she pulled back.
“There’s something I’ve always wanted to do. Well, it used to be a fantasy that I never thought would ever come true, but now that it can be a reality, I really want to do it.” And Olivia walked over to the stereo in the corner of the room. She stopped for a second realizing that she had just guessed that he would have a stereo in his room and she laughed to herself. She saw a stack of CDs next to the stereo and thumbed through them, not in the least self conscious that Nick was probably staring at her back side. With him everything was so easy and comfortable.
“Can I help you with something?” Nick lounged on the bed, realizing she was on a mission and he better just wait it out. He certainly didn’t mind the view while he was waiting – the curve of her neck, her sensuous back, her firm ass… oh, it was sweet…
Olivia ignored him and not finding what she wanted in the stack of CDs she smiled and grabbed the remote next to the stereo and sat on the edge of the bed.
“I’ve always wanted to make love to you to one of your songs or BSB’s… so let’s see what you have in your CD changer… what 5 or 10 CDs… I’m betting that you have at least one Backstreet Boys CD in there.” Olivia pointed the remote at the stereo and turned it on.
“Ah, so that’s what you want… okay…” Nick said, laughing. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t think I do.” he said.
“I think you’re wrong. Let’s see what you have in here.” She played the first CD and it turned out to be Journey’s Greatest Hits CD.
“Nice, but not a shocker that this would be there.” Olivia smiled knowing Nick’s love for Journey and went to the next CD. It was Prince’s Purple Rain CD and “Let’s Go Crazy” began playing.
“Oh, I like this song and this CD. Weird movie, though.” Olivia laughed.
“Come on, Olivia.” Nick whined really not in the mood to play music right now – he wanted to “play” with her body.
“Just a minute, be patient. Let’s see, what’s next?” she said and the third CD was Def Leppard’s “Hysteria”.
“Wow, Mr. Carter, you really have great taste in music!” she said, turning to look at him but seeing the look in his face, she quickly changed to the next CD and voila! the song “Set It Off” blared out of his speakers.
“Ah ha! Got you!” she turned to Nick accusingly, giggling.
“Okay, okay! You caught me! It’s actually a mixed CD that the record company gave me. I occasionally listen to it… now, can we…?”
“All right, just one more sec and I promise I won’t torture you any longer.” Olivia said and moved quickly from track to track until she found the right song. Because she had thought of it just minutes ago during their lovemaking, she picked “Drowning”. While the strains of one of her favorite songs played beautifully, she threw down the remote and finally allowed Nick to take her in his arms where he was allowed to devour her lips and body…
Kevin was going out of his fucking mind.
After getting out of the shower, feeling a little more relaxed, but still upset about the whole situation with Monica and Olivia, he toweled off and got dressed. After combing his hair and letting out a long breath, he picked up the phone and dialed Olivia’s phone number, praying she would answer and listen to him.
Unfortunately he was greeted by her answering machine, which didn’t really surprise him that much. She was probably still at work he thought, so he dialed that number but the receptionist told him she was out and transferred him to her voice mail. “Hello. You have reached the desk of Olivia Barrett…” and he hung up. As much as he enjoyed hearing her sweet voice again, he didn’t want to leave a message; he wanted to talk to her. Maybe she was there, but avoiding him on purpose.
The final number he tried was her cell phone number and it went straight to her voice mail so he knew she must have turned her phone off. Damn it! He threw down the phone and put his head in his hands and rubbed his temples. He knew Olivia was angry with him and he couldn’t blame her one bit. She had certainly sounded angry on the phone. Oh, God, he just remembered that he had even asked who she was! Shit! Damn Monica! He seethed when he thought of her deception. He wouldn’t put it past her to plan it all. Her really didn’t know her anymore. In the beginning of their relationship she was fun and adventurous and sweet. Somehow the years, the business or whatever, just started changing her and she became more distant and more willing to make love to someone other than him. She had explained a lot of it to him, but the person she was now was still very much a mystery to him.
Kevin suddenly realized that Olivia probably thought he was cheating on her! God! He didn’t know where she was or what she was thinking. She was probably confused. All Kevin wanted to do was take her in his arms and apologize profusely and tell her that… tell her that he loved her. Damn it, why had he not told her before?! He was kicking himself that he had never actually said the words, “I love you” to her. It had been in his heart for days now, but for some reason he had not said it. He knew she had not said it to him either, but maybe she was unsure of his feelings so she never voiced it either. If only he had said it to her, she might be reassured now that he really did love her and he had no desire to be with Monica or anyone.
‘I’ve got to get a hold of her’ he thought. Kevin hated the fact that Olivia was in Portland, so far away from him. He thought about driving to the airport immediately and getting the next flight out, but then he realized he already had tickets for a flight that was leaving at 8:00 am tomorrow so he might as well wait and see if he could get a hold of her by phone until then. It was almost noon now and she could be at lunch. He decided that he would just keep trying to call her the rest of the day and pray she picked up. He wanted to think of the right words to say to her anyway.
Needing desperately a distraction to take his mind off of things, Kevin headed downstairs to his studio. He thought he would practice some of the songs for the upcoming Never Gone Tour.
Sitting at the piano and grabbing the song lyrics, he began to sing the words from Siberia:
“When you come back, I won’t be here… she said and gently pulled me near… if you want to talk you can call… I know it’s not your fault…I just smiled and said ‘let go of me’… but there’s something that I’ve gotta know… did someone else steal my part? She said it’s not my fault.”
Kevin stopped singing and playing and thought of Nick. Where was Nick today anyway? He had the briefest of thoughts that maybe he was with Olivia, but then he shook it off. No, she’s in Portland. Nick is probably at home sleeping or something.
The next song was Safest Place to Hide:
“Yeah, yeah… it seems like yesterday when I said I do… and after all this time my heart still burns for you… if you don’t know by now that you’re my only one… take a look inside me and watch my heartstrings come undone…” Kevin stopped. Next song… that one was just too painful right now.
He began singing “Incomplete”:
“Empty spaces fill me up with holes… distant faces with no place left to go… without you within me I can’t find no rest… where I’m going is anybody’s guess…”
Kevin stood up. This wasn’t working. BSB’s lyrics were just too emotional and this definitely was NOT getting his mind off of Olivia… he so wanted to be with her right now… kissing her… making love to her…
Kevin walked upstairs, grabbed his car keys and headed toward L.A. He thought he would go to the recording studio to see if AJ, Howie or Brian (he hoped Nick wasn’t there – he didn’t want to see him right now) were there so they could rehearse, collaborate or just hang out. It would be good to be with his buddies.
On the way there, he tried to call Olivia again, but again, no answer. Frustrated, Kevin walked into the studio. He spotted AJ right away and was relieved to have a friend to hang with right now.
“Hey, dawg, what’s happening?”
“Not much. Hey, you look like shit. What’s going on with you?” AJ asked.
“Oh, it’s that obvious? Thanks a lot!” Kevin chuckled.
“Yeah, man, I can read you. Hey, you want to talk about it?” AJ put his hand on Kev’s shoulder as a sign of friendship. Kevin stood there and debated whether he wanted to spill his guts or not. Maybe it would be good to talk about it; let out some of the aggression he felt inside and besides, AJ was a good listener.
“Come on, let’s go into Dan’s office. He’s not here.” AJ said.
After closing the door, Kevin started telling AJ all about his relationship with Olivia the past few days, the incidents with Nick and then the situation with him and Monica this morning. AJ listened intently but with disbelief.
“Oh my fucking god, man! What the hell have you gotten yourself into?”
Kevin shook his head and laughed. “I know, I know! It’s really fucked up.”
“First of all, I can’t believe Nick has been involved… I can’t believe he would do that to you, man.”
“Well, I still love Nick. I mean, I can’t really blame him, Olivia is… well, you met her… she’s hot!” Kevin laughed, realizing that he really could forgive Nick and move on.
“Yeah, I know, and if I had met her first…” AJ began.
“Whoa, dude!” Kevin protested.
“I’m just fucking with you man.” AJ laughed. “Anyway, I’m not that surprised about what Monica did. I’ve always kind of known she was like that… devious… you couldn’t see it when you were dating so I never said anything, but, yeah, like I said, I’m not that surprised.”
“What the hell am I going to do now?” Kevin asked.
“I’ll tell you what you’re gonna do. You’re going to get your ass on that plane and go talk to your girl. She’s tripping right now, dude. You’ve got to tell her it was, er, an accident…” Alex laughed and Kevin did, too. It felt good to laugh.
“I don’t envy your position, man. I have enough problems with my lovelife; I wouldn’t want any complications like that. So, it sounds like you’re in love or something? After only a week?”
Kevin smiled. “Yeah, I know, it’s crazy, but I am head over heels, man. That’s why I’m going out of my frickin’ mind about this. I really miss her and I have to tell her how I feel.”
“You haven’t told her yet? No wonder you’re freaked out. When are you supposed to go see her?”
“Tomorrow morning. My flight is at 8:00 am. I don’t even know if she will be there or if she’ll want to talk to me, but I’m gonna keep trying to call her. In fact, if you don’t mind…” Kevin pulled out his cell and began dialing.
AJ motioned he was going out for a cigarette and left Kevin to his call. The call was not to be because he still couldn’t get a hold of her. This was turning out to be a really fucked up day.
Kevin walked out of the office and saw Howie and Brian talking with one of the producers.
“Hey guys, what’s up?” Kevin said.
“Not much. Good to see you.”
“Have you guys seen Nick lately?” Kevin asked.
“Nope. I think he was going to come by sometime today.” Brian said.
Kevin had mixed feelings about seeing Nick. On one hand he wanted to see him to be assured that he wasn’t with Olivia (he still had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind) and on the other hand, he just didn't feel like dealing with him right now.
Reduced to a quartet without Nick, the guys decided to have a jam session anyway. They sang and played their songs for the album and collaborated on arrangements. It was helpful that the other guys were there – Kevin didn’t think so much about the lyrics or his situation. It was a great distraction for him. It was 4:00 until Kevin looked at his watch. The time had flown by! Suddenly his stomach started growling and he realized he had hardly eaten anything all day.
“Hey, guys, I’m starving so I’m going to go get something. Does anyone else want anything?”
No one wanted anything, so Kevin took off. He was on his way out the door when he ran straight into Monica.
“Oh, sorry!” Monica said.
“No, it was my fault.” Kevin said and then looked up to see who he bumped into.
“Oh, God, not you…”
“Kevin, I wanted to apologize…” Monica began, but he cut her off, sensing her insincerity.
“I just can’t talk to you right now—"
“OK, then, I take back my apology.” She was pissed at his attitude towards her.
“But you aren't really sorry, are you?”
Monica paused and smiled. “You want the truth?”
“Yeah, that would be nice.”
“No, I’m not sorry. I liked it and I know you liked it.”
“Yeah, I liked it! Of course, any guy would! But it’s the deception and lack of remorse that pisses me off.”
“Whatever, Kevin.” Monica waved him off and then stopped. “Wait at minute… I think you should know what message your girlfriend wanted me to give you…”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Kevin asked, frustrated with her.
“Today when you were in the shower, I went back to your house to get my purse and your girlfriend called…”
“Olivia called?!”
"Yep."
"Well, what did she say?" She was really raking his nerves over the coals.
“She asked where you were and I said you were in the shower and then she asked if I liked giving you a blow job and before I could really answer her, she told me to tell you…” she paused and Kevin sensed the foreshadowing of doom.
“What?" He asked, afraid of the answer.
Monica moved closer to Kevin and looked him right in the eye. “to fuck off!”
Monica walked away, satisfied with her delivery and left a even more defeated Kevin standing there.
